What the $%@&* Trading!

The global financial crises will add at least 20 million people to the world’s unemployed, bringing the total to 210 million by the end of next year.

That one is from the International Labor Organization, a U.N. agency. Now here’s one from ABCnews.com:

In 2007, WallStreet’s five biggest firms, Bear Sterns, Goldman Sachs, Lehman Brothers, Merrill Lynch, and Morgan Stanley - paid out $39 billion in employee bonuses. Their shareholders lost $74 billion over the same period.

May you live in interesting times!

“This is worse than a divorce; I’ve lost half my net worth and I still have a wife!

Think you’re the only one getting margin calls and forced into selling your stock holdings? Here’s an article about CEOs getting “the call.”

Insiders are getting margin calls at an alarming rate. Many borrowed money on the value of their stocks as they rose, and with the stock market crashing the margin man is collecting and forcing sales.

Another email makes the rounds…

CEO – Chief Embezzlement Officer

CFO – Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for some kind of financial genius.

BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelery, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER – What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW– The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO – What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS – What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @$240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT – An archaic word no longer in use.

John Bogle was on CNBC this morning and his words stick in my mind:

Orgy of speculation …most speculative market in US history …No one knows the outcome.

That just summed up the entire week, much less today!!

The problem is people are pulling money out of their accounts, including 401k’s and IRAs. Hedge funds are selling in droves to cover redemption requests. When that stops, is when we go up. Unfortunately, that will leave all those people out of the picture and later realizing that they always sell at the bottom.

At some point big money value investors will put their dollars back to work. Shorts will fight it, won’t win, and we get some panic short covering. Then, momentum traders will finally go long. When will all this happen?…………..hell if I know….but soon

For a little humor check out the Investor Mind.

Subject: AIG Bailout

OK…..here’s a plan I could live with.

I’m against the $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG. Instead, I’m in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in a “We Deserve It Dividend.”

To make the math simple, let’s assume there are 200,000,000 bonafide U.S. Citizens 18+. Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up..

So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billon that equals $425,000.00. My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a “We Deserve It Dividend.”

Of course, it would NOT be tax free. So let’s assume a tax rate of 30%. Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes. That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam.

But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket. A husband and wife team has $595,000.00.

What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family? Pay off your mortgage - housing crisis solved.
Repay college loans - what a great boost to new grads,
Put away money for college - it’ll be there
Save in a bank - create money to loan to entrepreneurs.
Buy a new car - create jobs
Invest in the market - capital drives growth
Pay for your parent’s medical insurance - health care improves
Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean - or else

Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+ including the folks who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company that is cutting back. And, of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces.

If we’re going to re-distribute wealth let’s really do it…instead of trickling out a puny $1000.00 (’vote buy’) economic incentive that is being proposed by one of our candidates for President.

If we’re going to do an $85 billion bailout, let’s bail out every adult U S Citizen 18+!

As for AIG - liquidate it. Sell off its parts. Let American General go back to being American General. Sell off the real estate. Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.

Here’s my rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn’t.

Sure it’s a crazy idea that can ‘never work.’

But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party!

How do you spell Economic Boom?

I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion. We Deserve It Dividend more than do the geniuses at AIG or in Washington DC.

And remember, MY plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because $25.5 Billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.

Ahhh…I feel so much better getting that off my chest.

Kindest personal regards,

Bill Workman
A Creative Guy & Citizen of the Republic

Atta boy Bill!

These would be some great mergers…..

1.Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R. Grace Co. will merge and become:
        Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.

2. PolyGram Records, Warner Bros., and Zest Crackers join forces and become:
        Poly, Warner Cracker.

3. 3M will merge with Goodyear and become:
        MMMGood..

4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become:
        ZipAudiDoDa

5. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become:
        Fairwell Honeychild.

6. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become:
        Poupon Pants.

7. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become:
        Knott NOW!

And finally ….

8. Victoria ’s Secret and Smith &Wesson will merge under the new name:
        TittyTittyBang Bang

                        -anonymous (just one of those emails we all get forwarded)

Here’s a song that describes the marketplace today. Enjoy

Gee, someone composed a song about the “What The $%@&* Trading!” method

It’s a great video with a lot of truth. John Carter from Mastering the Trade is the trader. Enjoy!

Rest in peace George Carlin….$%@&*

Seven Words…..

Sex and Financial Risk Linked in Brain

When young men were shown erotic pictures, they were more likely to make a larger financial gamble than if they were shown a picture of something scary, such as a snake, or something neutral, such as a stapler, university researchers reported. The arousing pictures lit up the same part of the brain that lights up when financial risks are taken.

It’s like I tell my wife….and the IRS, “I need that subscription to Penthouse. It’s an education expense.”

“Well you see, I don’t have much of a package…so I got to pay for it. I make up for it in ears though.”