Tag Archive for 'funny'

According to plan?

Tuesday did what Tuesday does…..put a kabash on Monday’s enthusiasm. And although the day started much deeper in the hole, it ended at breakeven, a doji day. Oh yeah, let’s not forget on lower volume. If we copy the action of the last 2 weeks, we should continue down. But, this is a holiday week, a seasonal up week. All the “retail” traders will want to buy while on vacation from the day job, while the pros are off work eating, drinking and being merry. :mrgreen:

Tomorrow is a heavy day for economic news: Personal Income & Spending, Durable Goods Orders, Initial & Continuing Claims, Michigan Sentiment, New Home Sales and Crude Inventories. All that news with little volume may make for some crazy moves.

And on a lighter note, over the holiday weekend, there are a few things you can say in mixed company and you won’t get slapped:

  • I prefer breasts to legs
  • Smother the butter all over the breasts!
  • It’s a little dry; do you still want to eat it?
  • Don’t play with your meat.
  • Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go.
  • I didn’t expect everyone to come at the same time!
  • How long will it take after you put it in?
  • You’ll know it’s ready when it pops up.
  • I do like a good stuffing.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

“getting worse more slowly”

That’s what Ben Bernanke said was the best thing about our unemployment situation. Those reassuring words gave the markets a boost, or a continuation from earlier news about stronger-than-expected GDP report out of Japan. So we had another hot Monday. The Stock Trader’s Almanac notes that the Dow has been up 13 of the last 16 years…with the only real downer being last year, with a drop of 5.3%.

My trading today was successful with only 2 trades, both in ES…..going long in the pre-market at 1100 and letting it ride to 1110…10 points were nice :!: Quickly reversing later in the afternoon for another 6 points going short. Although profitable, it was another boring day in the marketplace….punctuated with new 52 week highs in many stocks as well as indexes.

Now, do we get a follow-thru day?

Maybe there’s a clue this stuff:
Why Wall Street Isn’t Main Street

Is America Losing Its Mojo?

And on a lighter (or maybe heavier) note……
So, are you having problems affording health care??

Here is a simple solution….shoot somebody….preferably your senator, representative or president. Of course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get 3 meals a day, a roof over your head, and all the health care you need! Need dental work, no problem. Need a new hip, knees, kidney, lungs, heart? All covered. :!:

And who will be paying for all of this? The same government that is telling you we need to reform health care. Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don’t have to pay any income taxes anymore. Is this a great country? :!:

Rollercoaster ride

What a wild Monday…run up first then a wild downside swing and then recovery, with the indexes ending in the green, except for the RUT, but just barely red. A trader’s dream environment though, with volatility, the VIX with a 4 point range, and a 180 point swing in the Dow. And as I noted yesterday, the 3x ETFs were a goldmine. I used BGZ and TZA during the wild downside move to cash in, and the ES futures on the upside moves….it was a good thing. :mrgreen:

Here’s the 15-minute chart of the S&P500. The 1-hour dive at noon was awesome, if you caught it. I’m glad I chose to eat at my desk today!SP-091102

The eco reports were all positive today, with a pop in home sales and a real good ISM report. Tomorrow we have Factory Orders and Auto / Truck Sales later in the day. Oh yeah, and the FOMC meeting starts Tuesday with a conclusion on Wednesday. So we’ll get an announcement from them on Wed. with similar announcments from the Bank of England and the European Central Bank on Thursday.

Speaking of banks….Last Friday, 9 banks were closed by the FDIC, bringing the total number of banks closed this year to 115. Which brings up some funny anecdotes about banks: “The economy is so bad, when you buy a toaster your free gift with the purchase is a bank!” And another: “The economy is so bad that if the bank returns your check marked “Insufficient Funds” you can call them and ask if they meant you or them.” heehee.

Okay, trade well everybody :!:

Who’d a thunk it?

I thought for sure the markets would consolidate to the downside as traders took profits going into the weekend. But no. They closed near the highs. Looks sorta bullish doesn’t it? But then again, who ever thought BO would win a Nobel prize?

I guess everyone was happy Pres. BO won the Nobel Peace Prize. I gathered a few funny comments from Twitter:
–Holy Cow…..Obama just won Country Music lifetime achievement award!!!
–O-voters…Yes, you voting for Obama to be President after no accomplishments DID look as silly as the nobel prize voters looked today.
–Food Network announces Pres. Obama winner of “Next Iron Chef” 4 his ability 2 spread peanut butter on toast.
–Pres. Obama will spend the weekend bikini shopping in preparation 4 his upcoming Miss Universe win.

Amazing….and Funny! :lol:

Have you heard the one about…..

Due to recent budget cuts and the cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions and the continued decline of the U.S. economy, “The Light at the End of the Tunnel” has been turned off.

Read about Bernanke’s Shell Game.

Here’s another one: Where bailout money goes to die.

Top 12 indicators of a bad economy:

12. CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.

11. I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

10. I went to buy a toaster oven and they gave me a bank.

9. Hot wheels and Matchbox car companies are now trading higher than GM in the stock market.

8. Obama met with small businesses – GE, Pfizer, Chrysler, Citigroup and GM, to discuss the Stimulus Package.

7. McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

6. People in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and are learning their children’s names.

5.The most highly-paid job is now jury duty.

4. People in Africa are donating money to Americans.

3. Motel Six won’t leave the lights on.

2. The Mafia is laying off judges.

And my most favorite indicator of all.

1. If the bank returns your check marked as “insufficient funds,” you have to call them and ask if they meant you or them.

…like it is

One of my favorite current events blogs is Clusterfuck Nation by Jim Kunstler. His latest entry is Bad Collateral.

The president is playing with fire on all this. The old economy is not going to recover, and so far he has not used his rhetorical talents to articulate what the next economy is likely to be about. It is reasonable to wonder whether he even really has a clear sense of it — and, based on the fatuous utterances of his economic mandarins like Larry Summers and Austan Goolsby, this team is really behind the curve.

Does this make you worry?

Look at Wells’s Dec. 31 balance sheet, and you’ll see a $109.8 billion line item called “other assets.” What’s in that number? For that breakdown, you need to go to a footnote in Wells’s financial statements. And here’s where it gets comical.

The footnote says the largest component was a $44.2 billion bucket that Wells labeled as “other.” Yes, that’s right: The biggest portion of “other assets” was “other.” And what did this include? The disclosure didn’t say.

Read the entire article at Bloomberg: Wells Fargo’s Profit Looks Too Good to Be True. Be afraid, be very afraid :twisted:

Up on lower volume

A nice up day on low volume and low news….and the news that did come out was good….better than expected housing starts and positive expectations for Ben Bernanke to up the ante becoming more aggressive with the economy. It was a slow news day and the lack of negative news is perhaps the main reason the major averages built some upward momentum, closing at the highs.

800 seems to be the holy grail for the S&P500. And we may just get to it this week. But, both the Dow and S&P500 lacked volume today, so, I’m looking for some kind of catalyst to kick the averages in the butt. Tomorrow morning may be slow and meandering, as everyone waits for the news out of the FOMC meeting, after 2PM EST. But, while it may produce some volatility, I don’t see it as affecting the market very much.

Banks had a great day, FAS UYG FITB….and techs like RIMM AAPL and DELL did well also. FEED went up 50+% and surprisingly ABG an auto dealership strung 2 great days together for 50+% also.

Since economic news was slim, the financial news rehashed another day of AIG. And even though AIG has had some bad publicity, it has tripled in 4 days! And Senator Grassley had the funniest sound bite:

The first thing that would make me feel a little bit better toward them is if they’d follow the Japanese example and come before the American people and take that deep bow and say, I’m sorry, and then do one of two things: resign or go commit suicide.

I’m sure CNBC will buy the telecast rights :twisted:

Wasn’t that fun!

I had my best day in the S&P futures market today and did well in a couple of stocks, DNDN, FAS and HW. I guess having a profitable day is what makes it fun :lol:

The doji day yesterday told us to follow the market in the direction that it opens. Well it opened right where it closed yesterday and trickled down for the first few minutes. But it quickly reversed and never looked back. In matter of fact, it was hard to come up with a pullback to make an entry! The market continued to go up and closed near its highs.

The only negative was that volume was down. It did pick up near the end, but the trading during the day seemed like a holiday. Maybe today was the long lost Santa Claus rally ;)

Doing some quick stock scans this evening I came up with a boatload of bullish engulfing patterns. My one scan looks for stock between $1 and $20 with an 10-day volume average of at least 220,000 shares. It came up with 468 stocks. If you look at all stocks at all price levels, there were nearly 700. I have to go and start tightening the criteria to get to a reasonable number of prospects.

My sympathies to those that suffer from paraskavedekatriaphobia, the fear of Friday the 13th. Yes…tomorrow…watch for the black cats and don’t walk under any ladders.

Are we greedy?

Here’s a short conversation between the great capitalist Milton Friedman and the defunct liberal Phil Donahue on the subject of greed. Good explanation and entertaining too :lol:

What’s up?

Well, the market for one. We’re upon resistance at the recent high of 878. If we break through we may make a run for the January high of 944. But, short-covering was a major reason for last week’s push up, so we need to get some real buying to come in. We’ll probably see (need) a pullback before we go for the gusto, and this evening’s futures are showing this….with ES already down 10 points in the early going.

UYG made a great move at the end of last week with a 30% move in 2 days. I got out at the close Friday, but, depending on how the bailout announcements go early in the week, it may continue it’s tick up….may even try some FAS. So get ready for another trading week. I’m gonna scan some charts.

To end this on a lighter note, the Washington Post included in its light-hearted list of things that are “out” and things that are “in” for 2009:

OUT: High-end barbecue grills. IN: Crock pots.

OUT: Executive compensation. IN: Executive castration.

OUT: 20 percent off. IN: 75 percent off and free shipping.

OUT: Nostalgia for ’80s songs. IN: Nostalgia for ’80s problems. :lol: